Psalm 139:23-24

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” -psalm 139:24-24

at the ladies retreat this weekend, for the past two mornings i would sit here at 6a.m. and spend time with God for over an hour – praying, listening, writing, reading, praising. i asked God while writing, “what, Lord, are You desiring of this weekend here for me?” instantly on my heart came, “To wash you” – so i wrote that down – not really making much sense of it at the time. He gave me much rest and peace – most of the free time we had between lectures I spent alone with God, nestled near flowing streams and waterfalls as Fall leaves drifted down gently onto the bible pages i was reading. when the final night arrived, i did not expect the tears to flow so uncontrollably as i sang praise songs. forget about it – i was a hot mess in that moment, i can say “i surrender God” with my words BUT when my heart lets go of what i had been holding onto (fear, insecurities – of how God will use me for the rest of my days to Glorify Himself) – that my friends, would be FULL SURRENDER. in that moment, face soaked, neck soaked, tears dripping on my shirt, hands soaked from wiping the tears that kept coming – God was WASHING me.

The verse i read and prayed and meditated on this weekend was Psalm 139:23-24:
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

I was holding something in my heart that was blocking God from using me as a cleansed vessel for Him. God spoke to my heart – your value is great IN CHRIST to be used in a mighty way by God. God spoke to my heart – washing away insecurities and fear – your WORTHY because of WHOM you belong to. God’s abundant Goodness – it actually blows my mind how much He Loves Us!